It's easy. Just answer these 5 simple questions and we'll supply you with the perfect Dear Agency letter.



1. Describe your relationship:
Stale. No new ideas. No old ideas either, for that matter. Vexing. Their ineptitude is rivaled only by their egos. Abysmal. The sound of my AE's voice makes me verbally abuse my intern.

2. How many fresh ideas have they given you in the past month?
If by "fresh" you mean nervous tics and Ambien prescriptions, then lots. A few, but they usually involve the Creative Director's labradoodle. None. But they're really, really good at billing.

3. How are the ideas presented?
By a platoon of "visionaries" offended that they need to explain their art. Via an account executive in sports coat, fake tan and blindingly white teeth. By two junior creatives with 3-day beards who refer to one another as "brah."

4. What animals have been suggested that "really take your brand to the next level"?
Monkey Lizard Meerkat

5. Your last words in this relationship?
Warm regards, It's been fun. Don't call me.